Beware the Punch
Joe Flanigan/David Hewlett
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"I am so drunk," David chuckles to himself, stumbling towards his car, and it's a small miracle when he gets there in one piece. He leans heavily against the slippery smooth surface, fumbling with the keys, and spends a good few minutes giggling like it's the funniest thing in the world that he keeps missing the lock.
"That's my car," comes an amused voice from behind him and David startles like only the drunk can: his grip slips with a squeaky sound and his ass hits the pavement. "And those aren't your car keys," the voice adds, laughing, and then there are hands pulling David upright and propping him up against the car, followed by a warm body leaning against him, keeping him there.
"I love Christmas parties, Joe. Joe, Joe, Joe. I love Christmas parties." David hiccups.
Joe laughs again and manhandles David to the other side of the car, stuffs him into the passenger seat, fastens the seatbelt. "How much punch have you had?" he asks, out of breath and with a shake of his head.
"I think Rainbow spiked the punch," David whispers conspiratorially, leaning towards Joe and only the seatbelt keeps him from falling out of the car, face first.
"Jason spiked it." Joe pushes David back into the seat and pats his shoulder. "I'll drive you home."
David's eyes widen and his lower lip trembles. "But. What about my car?"
Joe bites his lip. "Don't you worry," he says with a straight face. "It'll still be here in the morning."
It turns out that David is even funnier when he's drunk and when they arrive at David's place, Joe's sides hurt from laughing. It takes him a quarter of an hour to get David up the stairs and into his apartment. Once inside, Joe attempts to drop him onto the couch but David doesn't let go and they both stumble onto it, giggling.
"Stop moving," he says as he tries to untangle himself.
"Am not," David pouts, legs flailing.
"I wish I had a camera," Joe laughs as he finally pulls free.
Then David groans. Joe stops laughing. "Don't you dare," Joe glares but David's face is already looking distinctly green. Joe's eyes widen and he lunges for the waste basket by David's desk and thrusts it in front of David just in time.
Joe pulls a face as David retches but he pats his back comfortingly like a good friend ought to. Once he's sure David is done he cleans up the mess, David included, and drags him the last of the way to the bedroom. There he takes off David's shoes and pants and shirt while David moans pitifully to himself.
"I will never, ever touch punch again," David mumbles with one arm thrown over his eyes. "I hate Christmas parties."
Joe strips down to his boxers, hopping from one leg to the other when he pulls off his socks. "No, you don't." He pokes David in the side until David scoots over, and Joe slides in next to him. He pulls the covers up over them both and watches David, propped up on his elbow, head resting on his fist.
David lifts his arm just enough to peek at him with one bleary eye. "I finally have you in my bed and I smell of puke." He sounds so whiny Joe can't help but laugh.
"I'll still be here in the morning," he promises with a smile in his voice. "And then you can take a shower while I cook you bre--"
"Don't talk about food," David says quickly and squeezes his eye shut. After a moment he opens it again, almost shyly. "I liked that first part, though."
"The shower?" Joe asks and scoots closer, licking his lips.
"We could do that together," David suggests hesitantly. "To um, conserve water."
"That's a very good idea," Joe nods.
"Really?" David blinks.
"Really." He closes the rest of the distance between them, his hand coming to rest on David's chest.
"Huh," David says with a small giddy-but-tired smile.
Joe smiles back, a smile full of promises, and settles down for sleep, his head on David's shoulder. He closes his eyes.
"If you puke on me, you sleep on the floor." Joe can almost hear the wheels turning in David's head.
"...will there still be shower sex?"
Joe's silence is probably the loudest "no" David has ever heard.
"No puking," David promises hurriedly.
Joe falls asleep with a smile on his lips.