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llaras (llaras)

Terryl (lvs2read)


Nathan Fillion/Sean Maher


Many thank yous to my fantastic beta who shall remain nameless for now.

It's like a punch in the gut when Sean shows up finally.

It's like a punch in the gut when Sean shows up finally. He looks just as good as ever, though his shirt is wrinkled and his hair isn't as perfect as usual. And he's not alone.

Nathan has both hands full, so he can't do much more than smile and stand there when Sean is suddenly in front of him, giving him a careful hug around the soggy residue of barbecue sauce and ranch dressing-drenched paper plates. Sean is saying something about traffic. He's laughing and holding onto the arm of some guy whom Nathan has never seen before. He's almost certain introductions were made, but all he can do is nod and keep smiling.

Summer finally comes to his rescue, says something about Adam and the icemaker and she needs him now now now. He lets himself be steered back towards the kitchen, somehow managing to not drop anything as he points the new arrivals to the back deck where the food is.

This party is for family, he thinks as he gets out the mop. Sure, some of them have gotten married, had kids and all that jazz. But that's different. You don't just bring some casual date to one of their get togethers. It's rare enough that they even get a chance to do this. And it's not like Sean has even mentioned this guy before. What'd he do, meet him on the way there?

Jewel's in charge of the margaritas and in between pulses of the blender he hears bits of her conversation with Summer. Something about meeting with Sean and this other guy in Vancouver a couple months ago. Summer is surprised, says things must be serious if he brought him here.

Nathan doesn't even realize he's growling until Jewel steps in front of him and wrests the mop away. She looks at him with concern. It wasn't really Adam's fault, she says, really, the icemaker just exploded for no reason.


Nathan likes to think he's a good host and good hosts don't hide out in their bedroom when they have a house full of guests. But apparently he needed a break, because he was halfway down the hall before he realized what he was doing.

He takes a moment to pick up a coat that's fallen off the end of his bed. It's that guy's. Nathan has to stop himself from going through the pockets. A knock at the door makes him jump and drop the coat.

It's Morena. He opens the door for her to come in. She says hey and that Gina's ready to serve the shortcake, but she can't find the strawberries she brought.

He promises her he'll be down in a minute to help, he just has, uh, something he needs to do. He makes a gesture at the room in general and she looks around, curious.

She asks if he's okay. She puts her hand on her stomach and grimaces.

He says he is fine, wants to know if the baby is moving. He wants to move closer and feel what she's feeling, but he's unsure of how much space she's comfortable with now. His sister-in-law used to go crazy when people were touching her belly all the time.

Morena says she thinks so, but sometimes it just feels like indigestion. She pats her stomach and smiles up at him.


Alan and Laurence are chasing the kids around the sprinkler while Ron and Joss and Kai sit at the picnic table, laughing and eating strawberries and cake. Nathan guesses that means Gina doesn't need his help after all.

Nathan sighs and lets the curtain drop back into place. He should really get back down there, should really just quash this funk or pity party or whatever the hell is going on. So what if Sean brought his new boyfriend? Maybe it's serious, maybe not, but it's really none of his business in the end. And so what if their lives have become so busy and complicated that he doesn't even know when one of his closest friends has someone new in his life?

He turns around, steeling himself to get back to the party and have a good time, and finds Sean standing just inside the doorway. He's staring at Nathan, a puzzled expression on his face. Sean clears his throat and nods his head at the coats.

Nathan asks what, you're leaving already? He knows he sounds like an asshole.

Sean knows it too, but he chooses to let it go, says something about taking Tim or Tom or whatever his name is to the airport. Says they had a nice time and how nice it was to see everyone.

Nathan makes a face, he can't help it. He says how nice in the most sarcastic voice possible. As long as he's acting like a child, he may as well go all the way.

Sean makes a face right back at him. He tells him he's being an idiot. He says he doesn't know what is going on in that head of his, but if Nathan ever wants to talk about it, he knows how to get a hold of Sean. He grabs the coats and leaves.

Another punch to the gut.


It's an hour later and Nathan is cleaning up the last bits of this and that when his cell rings. He checks the caller id and is startled to see it's Sean calling. He hesitates before answering.

Sean doesn't let him get out anything past a hello. He says he's standing outside Nathan's front door and now would be a good time to mend their friendship. He says they've known each other too long and gone through too much together that it doesn't make sense to let this, whatever it is, go. He starts to ramble on about other things, but Nathan's had enough.

He says you're right, I'm an idiot. He says I don't want to be your friend anymore, I'm sorry. He hangs up the phone and opens the door to a shocked speechless Sean.

Nathan has never felt more vulnerable in his life, but he's tired of playing pretend and hiding away things from the people he loves. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

He says I've missed you.

Sean is confused, shakes his head, says he doesn't understand. One minute Nathan doesn't want to be his friend and the next he misses him? He asks Nathan if he's supposed to be on medication or something; they'll get him help or whatever he needs.

Nathan kisses him. It's a very careful kiss: Nathan's mouth gentle, asking.

Sean says oh, he can do that. Says God, Nathan, you're an idiot. Says he wasn't even dating that Tim/Tom guy, he's just a friend.

He steps inside and shuts the door.


 Left By:
Terryl (lvs2read)

2007-12-25 13:23:32

Aww...poor, angsty Nathan. But thank goodness it all came right in the end. Thank you, Santa!