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Half the Devil's

By:
dirty diana (torri13)

For:
Joanne (phoenix1969)

Fandom:
Torchwood

Pairing:
John Barrowman/Gareth David-Lloyd

Rating:
PG-13

Notes:
Thanks for the last-minute beta, you know who you are. Title from Gareth's Welsh poet boyfriend, Dylan Thomas.

Summary:
They don't kiss in John's trailer.

 
People keep wanting to know what it's like to snog John. The magazines, the fans, even Evie and Naoko, who seem to find it rather funnier than Gareth thinks it is.

"Everyone gets to kiss all the time except me." Naoko sighs dramatically. "I don't think that's particularly fair."

"I'll kiss you anytime, darling," Gareth promises her, and the whole moment ends with Naoko giggling helplessly as he puts his arms around her and lets his lips brush hers, while Eve takes pictures on her mobile that Gareth hopes won't get back to his girlfriend.

*

Snogging John is quite good, actually. But Gareth doesn't tell the magazines that.

*

They don't kiss in John's trailer. Gareth can't last one minute in John's trailer, he's always got the terrible show tunes blasting that Gareth can't stand. Plus the photos of John's dogs in glitzy frames stare out at him with sad eyes, and photos of John's partner besides, and it's worse than kissing for the cameras.

"I'm going to introduce you to some proper music," Gareth tells him, but John just laughs.

*

Gareth isn't gay. He's certain of that. It's still women, most women, most of the time. He isn't bisexual, or confused, or gay for John, or any of that. John doesn't seem concerned about it, either way.

Gareth somehow gets the feeling that this has happened to John before.

*

They don't kiss in John's trailer, and they don't kiss in Gareth's either, not when you never know who might walk in. They kiss mainly in places that they're not even supposed to be, like the props room and the ladies toilet. They don't kiss often, either, but there are days when it's all he needs, John's smile and reassuring contact, better than a coffee and a cigarette. John appears out of nowhere sometimes, and pulls him into a corner, mouth on Gareth's own before he can protest or say no. John's hands cradle his face, or wrap around his waist to keep him still.

John is slow to release him, and when he does the warmth still spreads between them. "You kind of looked like you needed that," John says. He does everything at theatre volume except this. His voice is steady and gentle.

"I did," Gareth murmurs, not stopping to wonder how John always knows, and whether he shouldn't be a better actor than that.

John grins, and goes back to work.

*

The thing about it is, they aren't anything other than friends. At least, Gareth hopes that they're mates, and that he's not just another twenty-six year old actor slash musician with girl trouble and a heavy overdraft, wandering through his days without proper brakes.

But when he gets started on that track he sounds rather maudlin, like a bad blues singer without his guitar. Which perhaps is what he is, most days.

John listens through all of Gareth's rambling, which is maybe why they get on.

*

Gareth didn't think he could get into more trouble back in Cardiff than he did in London. But he seems to be managing it, almost daily.

*

Sometime in the middle of the week they all go out to the pub, Gareth and Burn and Eve and Naoko and Kai. John follows along, and manages half a pint before he's out the door. To Scott and his dogs, and bad movies on DVD more than likely.

It sounds terrible. Gareth doesn't know why he's thinking about it now.

Gareth stays until closing time, until he's bone drunk and he and Eve are singing Welsh songs he knows only some of the words to. He doesn't mean to buy the last round for the table, but he does anyway. He texts Sara through the night his phone, even though the beer blurs the keys in front of his eyes, and she's not talking to him right now.

SORRY PLS RING BACK, he texts, and it's not poetry but it will do. She doesn't answer back.

Sometime before everyone starts to leave, his fingers find the keys for John's number, and he types MISS U RIGHT NOW and hits send.

When he wakes in the morning, with a hangover like death, he hasn't got a clue if it was true.

*

He burns resolutions like he burns cigarette ends, these days, and he hopes that John is a friend but he worries he's taking advantage. He means to save money, guit smoking, get serious about his career, leave off fooling around. Stop snogging John in corridors, when John has a husband and a steadier life than Gareth could give to anybody.

"Maybe he secretly wants you for his toyboy," Naoko suggests, and she's giggling again. Gareth grins, wrapping his hands around her and holding her against him until she stops laughing.

He's certain that's not the case. And that he's never going to understand it, at all.

*

John kisses him gently in the morning, with a coffee and sugar taste on his tongue. Gareth kisses him back. He made lists again last night, promises with names on them, but this morning the sky is clear, and all of them can wait at least another day.

[*-the end]

 Comments

 Left By:
Guest (Taffy)

At:
2007-12-26 11:40:37

 
Oh, this is lovely!


 Left By:
llaras (llaras)

At:
2008-01-01 01:12:35

 
I think this is my favorite fic this year. I love it to tiny little pieces. And this after only being familiar with JB and none of the others. It's fab.


 Left By:
Guest (morganmuffle)

At:
2008-01-03 05:27:50

 
I was so nervous when I saw who this was about but a friend recced it and I trust her and she was right because there's this wonderful feeling of peace and calm and I can sort of see that John would be the sort of person to quite happily offer hugs and physical contact when the others need them and from there it's just a small step, and a beautiful image, to this.


 Left By:
Guest (nhawk)

At:
2008-01-20 10:39:39

 
First TW rpf I've read and it's perfect. Loved the tone. Just brilliant. Thank you.


 Left By:
Joanne (phoenix1969)

At:
2008-07-12 10:17:02

 
Argh.I was on here looking up a different fic and came over to look at this one and I realised that it must have eaten the comment I left here before! I'll blame it on my brother's computer at Christmas because I swear I commented. I'm most upset about this.But on a good level I got to experience the story all over again and to send you squeeful feedback. And as you know, it's never too late to feedback (I hope).I love it. Pure and simple. There's so many ways to go in RPF and this, one that really feels like it *could* happen, is one of my favourites. The subtle (I like it subtle) mentions of John and Scott and Gareth and Sara, and the whatever the heck it is, they don't know but Gareth enjoys it too much to let it go between Gareth and John is perfect.And Naoko's gorgeous *sniffs*


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