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Human Vents of Noxious Fumes (And One Newbie)

Heather (gblvr)

Stargate SG-1

Chris Judge/Ben Browder


For gblvr (Heather)- I really hope you like it and get as kick out of the boys. Ginormus huge thanks to my beta and cheerleader scifinut for helping me stay on task and making sure that I finished this on time. Standard disclaimers apply.

Sometimes a relationship takes a bit more to form than simply getting to know each other. Sometimes it involves stress, sabotage and perhaps a little violence.


When Ben had joined the cast during the ninth season of the show, Chris had really had his doubts. Guest cast members were always welcome, as were the majority of the new additions, but this? This was a big change and that was kind of stressful, even if he wasn’t entirely willing to admit it. Instead he covered it up by stepping up his campaign to “break in the newbie”. Shanks was recruited quite willingly, although everyone else seemed to be unenthusiastic.

The first pranks had involved rather spectacular incidents involving flatulence, although those were quickly put to an end by Amanda, Claudia, and, to drive the final nail into that coffin, Lexa. Shanks knew when enough was enough, and that was enough and he had dropped out of the running.

Christ was fine with that. Really. Although it would have been nice to have some help to break in the newbie.


Ben knew he was coming into the show nine seasons in. He didn’t expect to be taken into the fold right away and he was fine with that. He could win them over no problem, and when it came right down to it, at least Claudia had been there. Claudia, as always, was a life saver, and in this case, a life saver in tight leather pants that he really couldn’t complain about. Nope, no complaining from him. But the whole “break in the newbie” thing was getting old really, really fast.

Amanda had let him in on Chris’ grand scheme in a fit of pity after she had been confronted with the pranks that seemed to be hitting him left right and centre. She also let him know that Shanks would not be participating for much longer, something about Lexa finding out and not being too happy.

He almost felt sorry for Michael, but that was an almost and when it came right down to it he really didn’t. Not after being kept in a closed off room with the man while he was on that damn diet that had turned him and Chris into human vents of noxious fumes. That was disgusting.

Chris and Ben

They hadn’t expect it to come down to a physical show down, but in the end it did, smack in the middle of Ben’s trailer.

The entire room rocked as they fell into the far wall before slamming into the small bench seat that Ben had in his trailer.

“What the hell, man?” Chris sounded confused, looking up at Ben from a more the slightly upside down position.

“Oh no. You don’t get to say that.” Ben attempted to sit up, but he only succeeded in wedging his knee further into the joint between bench and wall. “You were the one who started it and ow, mother fucker.”

Chris jerked his elbow up into Ben’s ribs, hands pushing at the edges of the cushion in an attempt to free himself. “I may have started it,” he grunted. “But you sure as hell kept going.”

Rolling his eyes, Ben gripped the top of the seat tightly. “What did you expect me to do, to turn around and walk away? Hell no, I’m not gonna lie down and take it.”

“Could have fooled me.” Bracing himself, Chris pushed himself away from the bench as hard as he possibly could and little by little he came loose, sliding down to the floor, and under the table that was attached to the floor at a rather precarious angle.

“And what’s that supposed to mean?” Pushing himself up onto the seat of the bench so that he was less likely to fall off, Ben stared down at Chris unflinchingly, ignoring the pain of the foot that was still stuck under him.

“Exactly what it sounds like it means, now could you get off my damn foot?”

Eyes narrowing, Ben’s lips drew back in a devious looking smirk. “You want your foot back, fine.” Reaching down, Ben proceeded to pull Chris’s foot free, but before Chris could fully pull back he yanked his shoe off and threw it at the door, which swung open upon impact to allow the flying footwear through before slamming shut again. Turning back to Chris, he resisted the urge to stick out his tongue because that would seem possibly just a bit too childish.

“Oh you really shouldn’t have done that,” Chris sat up quickly, managing to hit his head off of the low sitting table in the process. “Fuck!” Dropping back down he clutched his head tightly.

Voice sickly sweet, Ben leaned over the side of the bench. “Only if you ask nicely.”

“What the hell.” Chris’ eyes widened and for a moment he looked as if he was about to say something more, but instead he began laughing.

Ben watched him warily for several long moments before looking away and working his knee free. To his surprise, Chris simply continued laughing until his breath came in great heaving gasps. “You gonna live?” he asked simply, swinging around so that his feet rest flat on the floor.

Chris nodded his head as he dragged his hands over his eyes. “Yeah. I’m fine.”

“Okay, if you say so.”

Continuing to laugh sporadically, Chris slid out from under the table before pushing himself to his feet and dusting himself off roughly. “You’re not so bad,” he declared with a grin. “But you might want to check your drawers before you put any of you street clothes on.” Then, without another word, Chris hopped out of the trailer in search of his shoe.

Collapsing back against the bench, Ben continued to stare at the door, a look of confusion marking his face. “What the fuck just happened?”


 Left By:
Guest (gblvr)

2009-01-01 23:12:39

Eieieie. This was awesome! The two of them fighting in Ben's trailer was priceless!Thank you!

 Left By:
Heather (gblvr)

2009-01-01 23:13:20

Sorry that was me. ::points up:: Still love it though!