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How To Raise An Army Of Goats (and Influence People)

skripka (skripka)

impactvelocity (impactvelocity)




addictive facebook games


addictive facebook games

"Dichen Lachman sent a request using Farmville:

Here is a Goat for your farm in Farmville. Could you help me by sending a gift back?"

Fran's thumb dithered over the "Ignore" button for a whole five seconds before he shrugged and pressed "Accept Gift." What harm could a goat do, anyway?

Six minutes and an insipid tutorial later, the virtual goat was munching on some virtual strawberry vines, and mini-Fran had a purple mohawk, a moustache, and giant-ass anime green eyes. Big Fran had agonized about mini-Fran's look for at least five of those minutes before giving up and randomizing the entire thing.

Sadly, the virtual goat wasn't actually eating the virtual vines, which weren't really vines yet, just virtual leaves.

Fran blinked at his laptop screen for another full minute before texting Dichen.

"wtf am i sposd to do w8 arond fr berryz to gro"

The reply buzzed back. "u cud lrn yr lines"

"yr goat is hngry. mk berrys gro."

"yr goat now :p "

Fran grumbled and smacked the phone back onto the sofa beside him, and stared at his farm. Boring.

A couple of hours of random web surfing and a bowl of chunky tomato soup and salty crackers later, he got a text from Dichen.

"hrvst brrys now dipsht"

Fran stared at the message. "hrvst" made no sense to him until he remembered the damn stupid game Dichen had tricked him into. She knew he couldn't resist a cute goat.

Which sounded so damn wrong in so many damn ways, but.

Fran opened Facebook again, desultorily scanned his feed, and noticed that Enver had posted.

"Enver found a Baby Calf on their farm in Farmville!"

"Enver was tending their cows when an adorable Baby Calf caught their eye! This Baby Calf is already eager to explore the world on their own and is looking for a new home."

Or rather, Farmville had posted for him. Fran frowned. Come to think of it, he'd been seeing a lot of posts like that lately, not just from Enver and Dichen, but some of his Yale buddies, too.

Well, Fran knew he was no shill for any one, network, director, corporation, or game. He'd just not post every time he was asked.

Still, the Baby Calf was cute, and Fran's goat had looked lonely, so Fran clicked on the far-too-perky "Adopt the Baby Calf!" link, and waited for Farmville to load.

Sadly, his goat hadn't gotten bigger, but there were strawberries, and Fran clicked to harvest them. He placed the new calf beside the goat, and decided to name them both. General Goat and Corporal Calf. Still boring, but hey, it could be a decent time waster between shootings.


Three weeks later, Fran had a farm full of goats and calfs and cows, all lined up at the borders of his farm, and a pallisade of trees protecting his fields. He was taking no chances. Most of his friends list were Yalies and actors--neither of whom could be trusted.

Besides. it was fun coming up with new designs for the plot layouts and trees. Although, he could definitely use more olive trees (and fewer bunnies) to balance things out.

Miracle, Enver, Dichen, Tahmoh, and even Eliza were caught playing Farmville in their trailers. Amy was about the only holdout--she swore up and down that she didn't understand Facebook games.

Dichen had taken to leaving little signs all over his farm.


"You killed your raspberries, dork"

"did you eat the bunny i sent you?"

...which led to her leaving a stuffed rabbit on any set Fran was scheduled to shoot on. Enver would generally play with the pink ears when they shot together.

Fran would just retaliate by leaving signs on her farm, most saying a variation "this is all your fault!!!!"

He figured that he could quit whenever he wanted-- he just wanted to capture a penguin first.


 Left By:
Rev. Alixtii O'Krul V (Alixtii)

2009-12-27 05:47:08


 Left By:
fluffyllama (Llama)

2009-12-27 07:22:53

I don't understand Facebook games either, but this was still funny *g* *applauds*

 Left By:
Vae (vae)

2009-12-27 16:13:48

*g* That was so very cute.

 Left By:
avon_09 (avon_09)

2009-12-27 18:28:18

I have no idea about this but the title made me snort my coffee.

 Left By:
Guest (Liss)

2009-12-28 19:08:54

So cute! It made me laugh.

 Left By:
impactvelocity (impactvelocity)

2010-01-10 16:42:17

Aww, I love ridiculous internet bonding! and fran posting now because he feels like posting now, not just cause he was told to. He can stop anytime he feels like it.Thank you so much! I love these people and you are eleven different kinds of awesome for writing them! In my mind, they will stay happy and employed--together--for years to come.(apologies for not responding sooner--unexpected rl drama)